The 7 Types of Parents You See on Move In Day

Oh look, dear. The room comes with a cork board. How quaint. It would be better if these walls weren't made of cinder block so you could hang up that Matisse print, but I suppose this will do. I mean, you'd think for the price we're paying that you could get a little parquet flooring, but alright. Do you need anything else? Ok, we're going to stand in the way of other people while you unpack without our help. We'll take a couple brief strolls down the hall to turn our noses up at the Bob Marley poster that unkempt boy is hanging in 12C. When you invite him to our home for Thanksgiving, we'll still only refer to him as "That Boy With the Long Hair."We're so proud of you, honey. I would say I'm prouder, as illustrated by the fact that I'm paying your tuition, but that's neither here nor there. Haha! I'm so glad we could be together for your big day. We get to be tense and make everyone else on the floor really uncomfortable. It would have been better if we had taken separate cars so we wouldn't have to drive home together, but haha! No, I'm not making digs at your parenting style. If you think I'm such a bad parent, then why don't you just pay her tuition yourself. FINE! I'm going to storm off and leave you guys embarrassed, but oddly not embarrassed enough, while everyone else tries to avert his or her eyes. Good luck assembling that f*cking lamp yourselves! Hi! Hi! Meet our child. Isn't this exciting? Oh, what lovely wall-to-wall carpeting! Have you met our child yet? This is going to be so much fun! We're going to be so effusively friendly to everyone on the floor that they won't be able to help feeling happier and more comfortable about this new stage of their lives. Unfortunately our child is going to be a huge sourpuss all day and he'll be endlessly needy all year. No one should go out drinking with this young man or they'll end up carrying him home! Ah, we love him anyway. We love everyone! What a lovely duvet you have! Have you met our child yet?












Written 2010-08-30 18:00:00
by Susanna Wolff
from Columbia University
387 likes







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