The 7 People You See in Your Dorm Bathroom

Oh, hey! No, I'm not doing anything right now. Just sitting around in a room with oddly echo-y acoustics. This is a perfect time to talk about every single one of the courses I'm thinking about taking next semester. Oh, no, that's not running water you hear. That's rain. It's raining. Yeah, it's crazy how the weather can be so different just 5 miles away. I am literally expelling waste from my bowels as I say these words and you don't know it! But, the three other people in the bathroom right now know it. After I finally cover the speaker and flush, I will emerge from the stall and avoid eye contact with that guy washing his dishes while I leave the bathroom without washing my hands. Ugh, I hate when people leave those little globs of toothpaste in the sink. I mean, some people have to wash their Britta filter and their singular bowl and fork here. I guess I'll just leave chunks of dehydrated Cup Noodle chicken in the drain as my revenge. I think that's fitting. It's pretty amazing how hard it is to get dried Easy Mac cheese off of a fork. It might be because I'm washing it with hand soap instead of dish soap, but, hey, soap is soap, right? Yeah, I see you waiting to brush your teeth, but I'm not going to hurry up. Instead I'm going to hold this fork under the faucet for another 10 minutes before giving up and deciding to just steal a new fork from the dining hall.HAHA, suckers! You can use the shower with the burnt out lightbulb and the constant 6 inch pool of hairy soap water or the one with a shower head that just drools on your head, but you can't use the good shower because it's all mine and I am going to straight ZONE OUT for a half hour in here. I'm not even going to vaguely lather or rinse. I'm just going to stare at that one long strand of hair on the wall until I hear you give up and get in the gross shower. Then, and only then, will I get out. Will I quickly leave the bathroom so you can switch from the gross shower to the good shower mid shampoo and experience that moment of defeat in peace? No. I'm going to go make the edges of all of the toilet paper rolls inexplicably damp. Yes. I'm the one who does that.












Written 2010-09-07 18:00:00
by Susanna Wolff
from Columbia University
692 likes







Vin Diesel Anna Paquin Will Ferrell Leonardo DiCaprio