After a long day of checking Facebook, going to class, and checking Facebook while in class, you and your roommate have retired to your respective extra-long twin-sized rest areas. Your blankets are warm and your pillow is cool—you’ve even found the right groove in that pre-used mattress of yours. The only thing keeping you from a good night’s sleep is the artificial glow of the overhead light. The light switch is right next to your roommate’s bed, so you ask him to turn it off. You don’t get a response and you realize that, for the third night in a row, your roommate is pretending to sleep. Since your roommate is “asleep” and doesn’t want to blow his act, you can say pretty much anything you want without worrying about a rebuttal. You’ll win the war of words but in the end, you’re still the one who has to get up and turn off the lights.As a kid you always dreamed of having a bunk bed to call your own. What it lacked in racecar shape it totally made up for in new places to swing from and opportunities to hang upside down. But now you’re a mature college student, and the idea of sleeping directly above one of your “bros” kind of creeps you out. Not to mention the daunting physical task of climbing in and out of bed--like you needed any extra incentive to stay in bed all day. At first, you and your roommate will pretend you don’t care which bunk you get but after about ten minutes of passive-aggressive hint-dropping (“I’ll bet the top bunk’s got a great view”) your roommate will tell you about his fear of heights. You’ll call bullshit and decided to leave the fate of your bedding arrangements to the flip of a coin. After about 50 “inconclusive” flips you both decided to just disassemble the bunk beds—eliminating all room for activities.Something smells awful in your room, and it’s not you (It’s not you, right?). A couple covert underarm sniffs and body spray applications confirm that the odor is coming from someone or something else. Your roommate is fresh out the shower and the room is covered in a heavy blanket of Febreeze, and yet the room still stinks. After taking another shower and covering the room in a blanket of Febreeze you realize it’s the container of garbage that smells. Your roommate shotties not while you’re preoccupied trying to comprehend how such a small waste receptacle can produce such a big stench. You try and convince your roommate that since you’re the one who paid for the garbage can, he should be the one who empties it out. Your roommate counters by pointing out all the other, more expensive things in the room he paid for.
Written 2010-09-20 18:00:00
by Alex Watt
from Siena College
441 likes
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