Archangel Gabriel: Sup Bro Magnon? We're just about ready to finalize these plans for evolution. You wanna take a peek? It's got everything you wanted to know about how you'll be in the future.Ugg: The intelligent design blueprints! Awesome, let's see them.Gabriel: So, first thing's first: Your skull is terrifying. It looks pregnant.Ugg: Now, wait just a sec�Gabriel: Ever wonder if there is a teensy, tiny skull baby in there?Ugg: What?!Gabriel: I mean, I'm not a doctor or anything, but, yeah, we're going to need to fix that, along with all of that hair, too.Ugg: ... Hang on, you're not saying we're going to be bald, right?Gabriel: No, no. You'll keep hair on your head and some on your face and chest and stuff. Of course, there will be luscious tufts under your arms, too.Ugg: We're keeping the armpit hair? Why?Gabriel: The ladies! They love it!Ugg: Won't it just be disgusting? Like a horrifying nest of sweat and heat?Gabriel: Yeah right! When you're freezing your ass off in the next Ice Age, you'll be saying, �Thank God I have these wonderfully toasty pits. And thank Gabriel, too. That dude's the BOMB."Ugg: (Sigh) What else is there?
Written 2010-07-27 17:00:00
by Christine Jordan
from Columbia University
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